


Maybe

by kurenohikari



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Good Jonathan, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Jealous Magnus Bane, M/M, Malec, Misunderstandings, Possessive Jonathan, Romance, Route to find yourself, mentions of torture, secrecy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5754865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurenohikari/pseuds/kurenohikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would have happen of Alexander didn't let Camille go away when he had the chance to catch her?<br/>His parents would have been very proud and he would have been recognize in the shadowhunter society, for catching a really powerful and old vampire.<br/>On the other hand, the closest to him (Magnus, Jace and Isabelle) noticed something strange on him. They noticed the side effects that Camille's words had on him, but without knowing from where te change came from.<br/>However, what would happen when Alexander meets a strange but amazing mundane?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Am I good enough?

"Alec!" the voice of my father surprised me.  _What was he doing here? Shouldn't he be in Idris?_  I asked myself. However, what shocked me the most was the fear you could easily hear in his tone of voice "Alec!".

"Over here father" I called out for him but still walked over where he was standing, with a bunch of shadowhunters behind him.

"Alec... what happened?" dad asked pointing at the unmoving body of Camille in my arms.

He wasn't the only one astonished by this, the rest of the Nephilim were looking at me with gazes full of respect and wonder. They surely might have heard of Camille and how powerful she was.

"She tried to escape" I explained "So I fought against her and knocked her out. We still need information from her".

"Well done son!" praised me my father.

I didn't know what to be more surprised about: that my father was talking to me, that he praised me, that the other shadowhunters didn't look at me in disgust or... that dad still considered me his son.

"It was nothing" I replied, shifting on my place. I never liked when people stared at me, now being the center of attention of twenty Nephilim I felt almost naked.

"You defeated one of the most powerful and famous vampires of this era. You knocked her out when it would have been more easily to kill her, but you did it thinking about the Clave and it's mission. And you even got time to slay demons along the way!" a shadowhunter that I remembered from previous Clave meetings exclaimed. If I don't recall wrong he is quite famous in our society, his words are listened by the rest of the Nephilim "If that is nothing, then kid I'll tell you that we had been doing something wrong all this time" I blushed at his words, feeling embarrassed by all the attention and praising "Well done, Robert" Mr. Rosewood (if I remember correctly) clapped my father's back "You taught your son very good".

"No" dad replied shaking his head "He grew up on his own, right when I was not watching" my eyes widened at my father's words.

Ever since I kissed Magnus in middle of the Accords Hall, I had only received a cold shoulder and hateful words from him. Now he looked at me with pride on his eyes and talked about me with a warm tone.

"Let me take that from you" a shadowhunter told me, before grabbing Camille's body from my arms "Shit! How were you able to carry her around with that wound?!".

"What wound?" I asked the woman, confused by what she was saying.  
I felt completely fine. She must be mistaken, there is no way that I was hurt.  _Or maybe there was..._  I commented inside my head, when I began feeling dizzy. I looked at my body and found my chest bleeding a lot. I forgot about how Camille cut me there with her claws "I might need an iratze" I said out loud before sitting on a piece of broken wall, that was laying on the ground nearby, grateful that I didn't stumble or faint yet.

"You will need more than an iratze for that" my father told me.

Even though his tone was professional and unfamiliar, I could see the worry on his eyes. I always did, even when I was a little boy. That's why I never got angry at him, like Jace, Izzy or Max, when he acted disinterested. I always knew that he didn't want to seem cold... but he just didn't know how to act with people he cared about.

"I will heal him" announced my favorite voice on the world. When I looked up, from the floor, my blue eyes locked with the feline golden orbs of my boyfriend "What the hell did that bitch do to you?!" Magnus cursed under his breath, as he began treating my wound.

I could see the anger and concern in his beautiful eyes, and hated myself for bringing him so much pain. Especially after the way we left things before he went to search for Camille and I to kill some demons.

Camille's words still rang in my mind, the temptation of knowing more about my boyfriend's past was still there. But I could never do that to him, not after all the stuff he did.

Magnus saved my friend's life, my family's life and my life more times that I can count, used his magic for us a lot more and never asked for nothing in return (not even a payment for his services!). He just did that cause he loves me, and I love him back.

That's why I would never meet with his ex behind his back. Especially when said ex is well known for her ability of getting what she wants, and leaving her allies with nothing.

"What got you so worked up?" asked me Magnus, caressing my cheek softly. I had been so immersed in my thoughts, that I didn't notice him finishing curing my wound "Alec?" my boyfriend called put for me concerned "What is wrong?".

 **You don't deserve him! He knows that, that's why he told you nothing about his past!**  Camille's last words, before I knocked her out, rang inside my head.

But as I gazed into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, I got all the courage I needed "I am fine. I... I think that the blood lost got me a bit unfocused and dizzy".

That worked the trick. Soon everyone, especially Magnus and dad, began worrying over me. Gratefully some intelligent Nephilim called the Silent Brothers, so they could help.

 _Maybe Camille was right. Maybe I am not good enough. Maybe I am only one of Magnus's many lovers, nothing especial for him. Maybe that is why he never talks about himself. Maybe I could have gotten to know more things from Camille. But that is in the past right now. I will continue loving Magnus as much as I always did, and enjoy my relationship. Because, maybe this is nothing especial for Magnus but for me... it is my whole world. And I will do everything to keep my boyfriend at my side, until the day I die and he finds someone new._  I thought decidedly in my head.


	2. What is wrong?

"You better lay down right now Alexander Gideon Lightwood!" I demanded to my boyfriend.

We had returned from Idris a couple of days ago, and after a hard and annoying discussion with his parents I convinced them of letting Alec stay with me.

 _As if they would have been a better choice than me, the magnificent High Warlock of Brookline, if my sweet pea ever needed help._ I scoffed inside my head.  _Stupid Nephilim and their arrogant selves. Of course, Alec isn't like that. He had shown himself worthy of the shadowhunters's and downworlders's respect a lot of times. He has the goldest heart and purest soul I had ever met, and I have been around a lot._

"But Mags! I have been in bed for two whole days and it's been driving me crazy" he complained "I am already healed. Also, it wasn't a great deal" I froze at those words "The injury was nothing...".

"That the injury was nothing?!" I cut him off angrily "Camille almost ripped you apart! Her claws reached so deep that she tore some of your internal tissue!" my voice reached some high notes that I didn't know I was possible to reach "You had a concussion and you almost bleed to death!" I shook in fear at the memory.

I knew that one day I would have to say goodbye to Alexander. That one day he would die. But I wanted that day to be in a far future, not so early and by the hands of one of my exes.

"Magnus..." I heard Alec murmur softly "I didn't know you felt like that" he said and sighed resigned "Ok. If it makes you feel better I'll stay on bed until you say it's fine to leave, or until my family needs my help".

"With our luck that would be in any moment" I joked, relived by my boyfriend's words.

I smiled in joy when he threw his head back, baring the beautiful soft and pale skin of his neck, and laughed. It was the sort of laugh that lit up the whole world and brought light into my life. The kind of light I thought I had lost after so many years of being alive, after thinking that I had frozen completely after so many years of life.

"Get in here Mags" he said, patting the place next to him "We need to finish the Merlin marathon".

My smile only widened at that. I had been trying to teach Alexander about pop culture: music, TV, idols, clothes and ways of speaking. Until now I had only been able to make him listen to bands and singers of the last decade.  _He even knows the lyrics to some songs!_  I thought excitedly. And to start liking some TV shows and movies. Recently we had been doing a Merlin marathon, our first marathon of something. There were only five chapters left from the fourth season and we will finish watching it.

"As you wish, sweet pea" I said and got under the covers. Snuggling beside my boyfriend, loving how warm and secure he made me feel. Alec wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I let him drag me and sighed happily, using his chest as a pillow. With a snap of my fingers the show started playing, on the plasma TV of my room, and a bowl of popcorn appeared on my lap "What?" I asked my boyfriend, when he looked at me with an amused expression "You can't have a marathon without popcorn... or do you prefer ice-cream?".

"Popcorn is perfect" he assured me and I melted when he kissed my temple sweetly.

I felt reassured at that moment. Both of us laying down on bed, in our pajamas, watching a mundane TV show and eating popcorn, in each other's arms. It felt normal. And since Alec met Camille, all was everything but normal. Especially when he caught her from escaping, two days ago. Since then, he had been acting more strange than normal... and this had been worrying me.

 _What if Camille told him something that made him this sad? Maybe it was something about my past... what if Alec found out something about me that he doesn't like? Would he... would he leave me?_  The simple thought scared the crape out of me.

Alexander is the whole world to me, losing him would destroy me. And I was sure that I would never be able to surpass that heartbreak, no matter how many years ahead of me I have left.

So I enjoyed moments like this a lot. Moments when we weren't a shadowhunter and a warlock, but just AlecandMagnus. However, this time the happiness was short. The last chapter of the show was finishing. And as we watched Marlin grow old with the world, while all his friends died. Alec posture stiffened.

"Are you ok sweet pea?" I questioned him "Does your wound hurt you?" I worried.

"No" he answered curtly "I am just... tired. I am tired. I'll go to sleep now, good night Magnus" he gave me a kiss on the lips.

It was short but so honest and full of love, that I knew if I was standing my knees would be jelly by now.

Before I could say a thing, he turned around, his back facing me, and went to sleep. Not knowing what to do I left the bed, carefully not to wake him up, and exited the room. When I was in the living room, I took my phone and dialed my old friend Catarina.

"Yes, Magnus. I hope you have a really good reason to call me so late at night" she answered the call with an annoyed tone.

"I don't know what's wrong with Alec" I complained at her. It left my mouth so fast that I didn't know if she understood me, but when she answered I knew she did.

"Alexander? That Nephilim of yours?" I love when people referred to Alec as mine, it satisfied my demon side. The dark part of me that was very possessive and greedy "I thought that things couldn't go better. You don't stop talking about him, whenever we meet... is this a medical question? Maybe about the wound that Camille inflicted on him?".

"How do you know about it?" I asked her surprised.

"One of the most powerful vampires in the world had been defeated by an eighteen years old gay shadowhunter, that is dating the High Warlock of Brookline" she deadpanned "News like that travel fast in our society. We are getting off the point! What is wrong with your boyfriend?".

"I don't know. Everything was fine, more than fine. Especially during our world trip. But then Camille appeared and ruined everything!" I huffed frustrated.

"We both know Camille, especially you. We know how manipulative and sneaky she can be, maybe she told Alexander something that made him feel insecure or bad" she explained to me "Have you thought about that?".

"No, I didn't. What do I do now? I hate seeing Alec so sad!" I almost begged.

"You really love him" she commented softly "Talk to him" she finally said, after a while of silence "That's the only way to know what is truly wrong with him".

"Easier said than done" I relied but she had already ended the call "Damn it!" I cursed under my breath "Wish me luck, Chairman Meow" I told my cat before returning to my room.


	3. Do I know you?

_Finally!_  I thought relived.  _If I spent one more day in bed I would have start throwing things around, mostly Magnus's stuff. I loved the way he took care of me, wanting to satisfy every whim I had. It made me feel loved and pushed away any fear that Camille put on me, even if it was only for a few minutes_.

I have been going mad at having my parabatai lost and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Especially about resting in bed and being taken care of, while Jace could be being tortured by Sebastian in Raziel knows where.

On the other hand, I knew that the Institute couldn't help my brother but Mags could. So I stayed in my boyfriend's apartment without uttering a word of complain, and helped him searching for anything that might help us find Jace. At the end we did find something and we, with Izzy and the bloodsucker, summoned Raziel for help. 

However, Mags and my little sister always kept an eye on me. Not wanting my wound to reopen. They almost didn't let me go to the mission rescue of Jace, but that is something I would never let happen. Because of their over protectiveness I had this huge fight with Magnus.

 _Which remind me that I still haven't cleared things off with him._ I stopped walking and sighed at that thought.  _Well at least I had a reason to finally be alone, after so much time of having a babysitter. Especially in this date... the only date I want to be completely alone._

"That was some deep breath, big boy" an hoarse voice commented behind me.  _Of course, the Universe is not on my side lately_. I cursed inside my head "But I can't speak" she continued. It was almost as if she was talking to herself "Today it isn't one of my best days, either".

"We can mourn together, then" I commented sarcastically.

"Also, in the meanwhile we can invite Thantos and have a chat with him" she replied in a dark tone.

"Nice one" I chuckle humorless.

I turned around and found one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met, if not the most. She was tall, but not taller than me, she had green emerald  eyes, a lightly tanned skin and waist long brown, almost blond, straight hair, in a braid decorated with plastic flowers.

However, it wasn't her beauty that captivated me. It was the familiarity I could sense coming from her. By the way she kept on looking at me, with that surprised and curious gaze, I knew she could feel it as well.

"Do I know you?" she asked me, after a while of just staring at each other "Cause I can swear I met you before. There is something about your...".

"... eyes?" I cut her off. And smiled relived when she nodded her head in accordance. Suddenly an idea bumped into my mind "Did you lost your older brother this date four years ago?" I asked her slowly, afraid that I might be wrong.

"How did you... Xander? Is that you?" I nodded my head and soon had my arms full of an eighteen years old mundane "I missed you so much, big boy".

"I missed you too, Katherine" I murmured back, returning the tight hug "What are you doing here? I thought your parents moved you to Barcelona after... after Marcelo was killed".

"We did. But I wanted to return to my home town... it makes me feel closer to my brother" she explained with a sad smile, her arms still around my neck "That is why I decided to enter to Parson".

"Parson?" I asked her confused.

"One of the best fashion schools in the US. You really don't know nothing about it?" she sounded amused, like she always does she I don't know about mundane stuff "I am in the fashion design program".

"Good. I always knew how much you love fashion" I said, happy to know that at least the life of someone I care about is going fine "Would you like to have a drink with me? We need to catch up with a lot of stuff".

"Estaba esperando que me lo preguntaras*" she answered in a flirty way.

I would normally blush and feel nervous if someone was acting like that towards me. But flirting was always our own little game, even if she did the majority of the flirting.

"Es bueno saber que seguis siendo la misma de siempre**" I told her in Italian.

As any shadowhunter I knew a lot of languages. However, unlike my siblings I focused on them more. While they spent the whole day practicing their killing skills. I trained my language ability, my politic skills and widened my knowledge in demonology and downworlders. Which saved our asses a lot of times and help me finish with demons faster, and more effectively. It also got the Clave to esteem me so much, that I think it was the only reason why they didn't strip me from my runes, when I got out of the closet.

"You seem different" she commented as we walked towards the coffee we, Marcelo, Kitten and I, used to always go when we were kids "Freer. As if... did you finally tell your parents about you being gay?".

"I did. Well, to be precise I kissed my boyfriend in front if my whole family and my society" I told her.

She threw her head back and laughed whole hearted "You are a bag full of surprises Alexander Lightwood" she commented amused, before turning serious "But I know you are hiding something. Something is eating you up, bothering you a lot. What is it?".

"My relationship with my boyfriend. We... I am having problems coping with some stuff" I confessed. She didn't talk or pressure me to speak, she just waited for me to do it on my own. That's one of the things I loved the most about her, she always searches a way for me to feel comfortable. And that's difficult, cause I get flustered by almost anything "An ex of his came and told me about his past. How I look so similar to one of his other exes and that Mags had a lot of lovers before me. She made me feel that I mean nothing to Magnus... that he only loves me now and when I am gone he will forget about me, and keep on going with his life as if I was never in it".

"So this Magnus guy is your boyfriend?" I nodded my head to answer her question, my gaze not leaving my worn shoes "And he used to date a woman?".

"He is bisexual" I explained.

"Ok. Cool".

" 'Ok. Cool'? That's all you've got to say?!" I exclaimed surprised and a bit angry "This problem is killing me and the only thing you have to say is: 'Ok. Cool'? Cause I can tell you that things aren't 'Ok'!".

"Are you finished?" she asked me with an amused smile.

The glint in  her eyes made me know that she planned this. For me to react like this and take my anger on her, so I would feel better.

"Yeah. I am finished. Thank you" I told her with an apologizing smile.

"Your welcome. Now, the problem isn't this girl or Magnus. The problem is that you are insecure of yourself" she told me "Let me guess, this guy is eccentric and loves to call the attention of everyone, especially with his way of dressing".

"Yes, he does. How did you know about that?" I questioned her confused.

"Only a person like that makes you feel so insecure of yourself. By what you told me it happens the same when you are with your siblings. But whenever you are with me, or Marcelo, it never happens".

"That is because even though you dress nicely, your style is sweet and cute. Full of flowers, simple colors and embroidery...".

"Don't forget the hat" she cut me off with a cheeky smile and wrapped her arms around my right arm.

I smiled down at her, knowing that she loves messing around with people. Make them think that we are together for then saying: 'What? Together?! No! We are just friends. He is gay'. To then leave and laugh at the embarrassed expression that the poor souls had.

"And the hats" I corrected myself "You call the attention when you walk, not because you want to or because you think you deserve it. But because in each step you show everyone that you are sure of yourself and love every part, even if it's bad or good. Mags, Izzy and Jace march as if the world belonged to them and as if they were perfect" I sighed annoyed at their behavior.

"But you love them, anyway" she replied.

"That I do. Even if sometimes I question my sanity for it" I joked, causing her to laugh again.

"As I was saying. You need to gain confidence. If Magnus is so eccentric that makes you feel so normal and small, change. Let me give you a new look. Don't worry! I will not put you on leather or make you wear make up" she added quickly when she saw my scared look "But buy you new sweaters which aren't faded, t-shirts that don't have ketchup marks or jeans that don't have holes" I blushed embarrassed at her words "Maybe add some dressing shirts, a couple of pants, and a few new jackets won't hurt anyone either" I smiled at her antics "And for him not opening up. Ask him. Ask him for information and give him time to have the courage to tell you. You are not the only on that has problems speaking about your feelings".

"You are the best Kitten" I told her "How can you be so intelligent and young at the same time?".

"The same way you do it, Xander" she replied "Now, let's go shopping!".

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I was waiting for you to ask me (English) = Estaba esperando que me lo preguntaras (Spanish).
> 
> **Es bueno saber que seguis siendo la misma de siempre (Spanish) = It's good to know that you are still the same as always (English).


	4. Do I look good?

"I can't believe you convinced me to do this!" my best friend since childhood complained.

"Stop whining and start acting as a man!" I snapped back with no heat "Try on this marine blue jeans" I ordered, handing him said piece of cloth and pushing him towards the dressing room.

We were in the Calvin Klein shop, in Macy's, I worked on. However, before that we went to other shops. I knew how clueless and how much uncomfortable Xander is about fashion, so I started small.

We began with shoes. We bought two pairs of new balance: one grey with blue and the other one completely black, in exception of the N that was red. Then we looked for a new pair of military boots, cause Xander's were totally worn and I couldn't stand to see them anymore. So when I found two different styles of amazing military boots, I had to get Xander to buy them. However, he insisted on both being black.

 _Cause he said that he already had too much color on his wardrobe. Can you believe it!_ I exclaimed on my head.  _Luckily when he hit the next shop he let me buy him a brown pair of dressing shoes, although the other one was black._

At that same shop, the one we bought the dressing shoes, I forced Xander to try on suits. I was planning on doing that at the end, cause they make him the most uncomfortable, but as we were already there and Polo has so good suits that I could resist the temptation of putting Xander on one of them.

However, we only bought one cause I didn't want to pressure my best friend. I know the feeling of having someone trying to impose themselves in your way of dressing, which is a way of telling the people who you are. And I didn't want to do that to Xander.

At the end we chose a simple black suit, plus a black vest, a white shirt and a black tie. I wanted the tie to be blue, but he insisted on being black so I obliged.

Afterwards, we went to the get him the last black sport watch from Nike and a black watch from Guess. Then we bought one pair of black sunglasses from Ray ban.

 _I need to convince Xander to expand his wardrobe. Only six pair shoes, a suit, two watches and a pair of sunglasses... that is not good._ I thought to myself.

Luckily we didn't stop there. I made sure that he had enough sweaters, from Tommy of course, so he would get rid of the old one full of holes and faded. Then I continued with buying him a pair of hoodies, a v neck t-shirt, one vest, three leather jackets, two shirts and a good collection of plain shirts, but at least this one's fit him well and show his well defined body.

 _Also, we bought some sport clothes from Adidas. For a reason he had no complain about that, shocking!_ I commented sarcastically inside my head.

Now we were in Calvin Klein getting him some new jeans, that can show off his legs and ass. Until now I convinced him to get two black, one grey, one jean, and now I am praying he will like this marine blue one.

This shopping trip didn't only help Xander gain confidence, but it also got my mind away from my brother's death.

"Do I look good on it?" Xander question brought me back from my thoughts. When I looked up I couldn't help buy stare "What?" he asked me self conscious "I look bad?".

"Bad?! Big boy, I am wishing right now that you were single, straight and that I don't consider you like a brother" I exclaimed. Not stopping staring at him, even when he blushed bright red "You look hot! We are so taking that! Come on, next stop pajamas".

"I don't use pajamas, you already know that" he said confused.

"I know. Why else do you think I chose Calvin Klein? Not only because I work here or because they have excellent jeans, but because they also have underwear" I smirked evilly, enjoying how he looked at m shocked and embarrassed.  _I love messing with him, even if I only do it a few times._ I thought to myself but then took pity when I noticed how uncomfortable he was "Relax. I won't ask you to model for me. Only tell me what is your size and from where you normally buy them, and I'll chose some for you".

"Thank you, Kitten" he replied "You are the best".

"Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I already didn't know" I said.

After he told me the information I needed, I picked up a lot of boxers and some socks for my best friend. Then we headed to the cashier and payed for the clothes, we had a discount, like in every shop we visited today, because I had the card of the shopping and also work here.

"Where now?" he asked me when we stopped for a frozen yogurt.

"Is that excitement I hear in your voice Xander?" I questioned him.

"Never!" he exclaimed "I am just enjoying my time with an old friend".

"Just old?" I faked being hurt by his comment.

"My oldest and best friend" he corrected himself with a roll of eyes "Better?".

"Much better" I replied with a cheeky smile "Now you'll go to your house, wash this new clothes, donate all of your old wardrobe and get dress nicely, cause you will impress your boyfriend" I ordered "Wear those new black jeans, the military boots, the white v neck t-shirt and the leather jacket, plus the Nike watch. That would be a nice touch"

"What will you do?" Xander asked me worriedly.

"Don't worry about it" I told him with a soft smile. Liking how he always thinks of me first "I will visit Marcelo's grave. It is time I do it".

"Then I'll go with you" he stated "Just let me do all the things you just ordered me, and I'll be ready".

"What about Magnus?" I asked him.

"I will see him tonight. Maybe I'll bring food from that Chinese place he likes so much, and stay the night" he explained to me "Bug you are my best friend, Kitten. And you need my help. Also, I have to pay my respects to Marcelo too".

"You are the best, Xander" I told him before dragging him into a bear hug.

"No, Kitten. You are" he replied.


	5. Am I missing something?

"Who dares to disturb the High Warlock of Brookline? If it is not a matter of death or life I will snap you to the deserts of Egypt!" I threatened through the speaker.

I was in a real bad mood. I had a huge fight with my sweet pea before the rescue mission of that angel boy. And then my boyfriend disappeared for the whole day, before we could even clear things up.

"If you are occupied I could come later?" offered the beautiful voice if my boyfriend.

"Alec?! Why don' you use your key to come in?" I asked him confused but excitedly.

 _He being here means that he isn't angry at me anymore. Which means sex tonight and cuddles for me!_ I thought greedily.

"You never gave me the keys to your loft" he replied with an amused tone, surely at my antics.

I snapped my fingers and announced "Problem resolved! Check the pocket of your right pocket" soon I heard a door opening and footsteps coming from the stairs. I marched towards the door and opened it to receive my love "Welcome back sweet..." I stopped at mid sentence when I saw how my boyfriend was dressing. He was wearing a new pair of black jeans, new black military boots, a fresh white v neck t-shirt and a leather jacket I had never seen on his wardrobe, plus the newest Nike sport watch "Sweet Lilith!" I muttered under my breath, not being able to stop staring at the breathtaking creature in front if me.

"What? You don't like this new look?" he asked me shyly with a light blush.

"Like it? Right now I want you to throw me on the bed and fuck me against the mattress" I deadpanned, not stopping staring.

"This feels like a deja vu " I think I heard him mutter but I didn't care, cause he then raised the boxes he was holding and flashed me a small smile that melted my heart "Want to have dinner first? Your favorite place from the best Chinese place, in Bane's restaurant rating".

"I love you sweet pea!" I told him and smirked when his blush reddened.

"Stop calling me that!" he complained, but still kissed me when he passed me to enter my loft.

The table was ready with a snap of my fingers.  _You have to love magic_ , I thought happily "Where have you been all day Alec?" I asked him after a while of eating in silence "You had your siblings, parents and I very worried. No one heard a thing about you today, it was like... you were gone" I grimaced at the thought. I couldn't imagine what I would do if he ever left me "Also, your wound hasn't healed completely yet" I added seriously "Which reminds me, when we finish eating I will check on that".

"I was at Macy's" his answer surprised me.

"You what?!" I exclaimed shocked "You went to Macy's voluntary? What possessed you to do that?".

"And old friend came to town and wanted to go there" he replied with a big smile and a lost look, as if he was remembering something.

 _Probably the moments he spent with his friend_, I thought jealously.

I didn't like the idea of someone else putting that kind of smile on MY boyfriend's face, if it wasn't family. Also, if that friend was able to make him go to Macy's and change his look, something I couldn't do, they must be very important to Alec.

 _And since when does he have friends I don't know about?!_ I complained inside my head.  _Damn it! I am starting to sound like those boyfriends that need to know everything about their couple. Now that I think about it... I know everything about Alec. Except about this new friend of his. What if he is hiding something to me?_ I thought suspiciously.

 **Isn't that a bit hypocrite of you?** A voice inside my head questioned me.  **After all you are keeping Alec in the absolute dark about your past.**

 _Shut up!_ I ordered it, and it luckily obeyed.

"Mags, are you ok?" the worried voice of my boyfriend brought me back of my trance.

"Of course, I am sweet pea" I answered with my typical Cheshire grin, but this time it was fake "Why do you ask?".

"Cause you went mute and stop eating all of a sudden" he replied with an inquisitive look, which made me know that he didn't buy my act.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then thought about it again and decided not to ask. With a small sigh I returned to my food and changed the topic. I told him about how angry some costumer made me today and how I ended up turning his hair pink for that. We both laughed at the story, forgetting our worries for some moments.

Later when we finished the food, I snapped my fingers cleaning the plates and putting them on their places, so Alec could make my wish come true. I had a long list of lovers in the past, but none of them knee how to make me beg as my angel did.

Maybe it was because when he ties me up to the bed, he doesn't enjoy being able to overpower the High Warlock of Brookline, but to rejoice that I trust him enough to do this to me. Maybe it was the way he worships me with every touch, every kiss, every word and every look.

I don't care for the reason anymore, I just know that no one will ever make me forget about this blue eye prince or make me fall in love so hard as he did. Because I am sure that my heart was stolen by this young shadowhunter thief.

"I love you, Mags" murmured softly my boyfriend, before tucking me into his side and going to sleep.

"I love you too, Alec" I replied kissing his bare chest, before being put to sleep by his comforting heart beats.


	6. Is this my son?

I still could remember the panic I felt when Isabelle told me that she didn't know where was Alexander:

"What do you mean by 'you lost Alexander'?!" I exclaimed, almost shouted, at my daughter. The last thing I needed is to feel the pain of losing another son "You both disobeyed the Calve, deciding to go hunting and plus of it all you lost your brother!".

"He was behind me all the time, I just lost him for a few minutes and he disappeared" she replied through clench teeth. I could see her anger at me clearly, but that wasn't anything new so it didn't surprise me.

I would normaly feel a pang of pain in my chest by how my own daughter behaved towards me. However, right  now I was panicking. My son was lost and probably dead, surely thinking that I hate him for his sexuality.

"Alec!" the tone of my voice surprised me. The fear creeping on it could be easily hear "Alec!".

"Over here father" when he called out for me, I relaxed a bit. But only sighed in relief when I saw him walking over where I was standing, with a bunch of shadowhunters behind me.

"Alec... what happened?" I asked pointing at the unmoving body of Camille in his arms.

I wasn't the only one astonished by this, the rest of the Nephilim were looking at my son with gazes full of respect and wonder. I couldn't stop the pride I felt of having him as my son, at that moment, not that I wanted.

"She tried to escape" he explained "So I fought against her and knocked her out. We still need information from her".

"Well done son!" I praised him, meaning every word.

When I saw his surprised look, I knew that I needed to start doing that more frequently. Cause I couldn't stand anymore knowing that my children hated me, and that I had caused that to happen.

"It was nothing" he replied, shifting on his place.

"You defeated one of the most powerful and famous vampires of this era. You knocked her out when it would have been more easily to kill her, but you did it thinking about the Clave and it's mission. And you even got time to slay demons along the way!" Rosewood exclaimed "If that is nothing, then kid I'll tell you that we had been doing something wrong all this time" Alec blushed at his words "Well done, Robert" Derek Rosewood clapped my back, in a friendly gesture "You taught your son very good".

"No" I replied shaking my head "He grew up on his own, right when I was not looking".

I didn't care if I sounded soft, I could not hid my pride anymore. Not after having Derek pointing out every thing that my son had achieved, on his own, tonight. And Derek is a very difficult person to amaze. But Alec had never been normal, he had always been extraordinary.

At that moment I decided to set things right, to make sure that I would not lose Alec as I lost Michael so long ago. I would stand up to the Clave if it was necessary, but I would get my son back.

"Let me take that from you" a shadowhunter told Alec, before grabbing Camille's body from his arms "Shit! How were you able to carry her around with that wound?!".

"What wound?" my son asked the woman confused. I looked at his body and found that his chest bleeding a lot. It looked like Camille cut him there with her claws "I might need an iratze" he said, as if it was a cut of paper, before sitting on a piece of broken wall.

"You will need more than an iratze for that" I told me, trying not to show how broken I was by my tone of voice. I could almost see the internal organs of my son, and that scared the crap out of me. _I need to call the Silent Brothers,_ I thought suddenly. _I can't let Alec die._  


As I was about to order someone to call them, a very familiar voice announced "I will heal him"  when I turned around I saw that the one talking was Magnus Bane, my son's boyfriend. I always hated their relationship. A little bit of that hate was because I could never understand how homosexual couples could make it work, not because I hated my son for his sexuality. But most of it was because I felt like Bane was taking advantage of my son. After all Alec was only eighteen and the warlock at least had four hundred years. There is no father that would like their children having such an older lover! "What the hell did that bitch do to you?!" Bane cursed under his breath, as he began treating Alec's wound.

My hate for their relationship decreased a bit when I heard the pain and worry in the warlock's voice. And I began to understand how Alec and Bane made it work when I noticed how their eyes shone when they meet each other's stares. They shone with love, adoration, worship and happiness. It was such a raw feeling, so intense and privately that I had turned around, not being able to continue looking. At that moment I was able to see what I didn't before. Noticed the way they acted around each other, how Bane would jump in front of a train for Alec and how my son acted differently with the warlock. How Alexander would move whenever Bane moved, follow him until the ends of earth and back. 

It made me feel jealous of my son, again. Not only Alec was a better politician than me or braver than me, he found the love of his life at the spam of eighteen years. And that thought was what gave the perfect idea to earn the forgiveness of my son.

Taking a deep breath and straightening my back I pressed the button for Bane's loft. Not letting myself show weakness in downworlder's territory "Who dares to disturb the High Warlock of Brookline on his day off?!" Bane's voice resonated angrily "This better be important cause I am just about to go on a date with my angel!".

"This is Robert Lightwood, Inquisitor of the Clave and father of Alec" I announced myself "I have important matters to discuss with you and my son".

I heard a door being unlocked and someone running down the stairs, soon Alexander appeared behind the gates of the building "Dad?" he asked confused "What are you doing here?".

I wanted to answer that question, I had passed the last weeks imagining how things would develop when I finally gave Alec the news. From how good things could go to how bad the situation might end up being. All this weeks that Pia and I spent discussing with the Clave, making them see what we just only been able to see, all the hard work and excitement froze when I got a better look of my son.

He was wearing a black Polo suit, it was simple but elegant, and it was the kind of clothes that I would have never seen in Alec's wardrobe until he began dating Bane. Looking in what kind of man my son turned when I was not looking and was acting as if he didn't exist, broke my heart into pieces.  

"You Alexander are a better man than I ever was, or I'll ever be*" the words left my mouth before I could stop them, but didn't regret them. Because even though Alec's eyes widened in surprise, he looked pleased at being praised "May I come in son? I need to give you and Bane some news".

"Of course you can, dad" he replied, opening the gates and guiding me towards the loft of the warlock.

At the top of the stairs, leaning against a door frame, was Magnus Bane. He was wearing a purple suit, a purple vest, a white dressing shirt and a black tie. That surprised me, plus the lack of glitter, but made me internally smile a bit. _Who could have imagined that my son would be able to tame the best?_ I thought amusedly. _Surely Bane toned down his normal flamboyance on this date for my son._

"Mr. Lightwood what a surprise" began the warlock in a neutral voice, but I could hear the heat behind them.

"Magnus!" hissed Alec "Be polite, he is my father" it warmed my heart, and gave me a bit of hope, to know that my son was defending me.

"Yeah. He might be by blood but when he starts acting like one I'll start treating him like you father" I winced at the warlock's words.

"Mag..." I cut my son off.

"It's ok Alec. Bane is right" a look of shock passed both of their faces, before composing themselves "I haven't been acting like a father lately and that's why I am here. May I come in? So I can explain what I had been doing" hesitantly the warlock entered his apartment and let me inside. We headed towards the living room, where they sat on the loveseats and I took the armchair "This last weeks, Pi an I, had been trying to get a new law accepted by the Clave. This morning they finally agreed and we signed the papers a few hours before. The law states that same sex couples can get married legally, they would be accepted by the Clave and even supported. No more shadowhunters will get their runes stripped because of their sexuality or even be shunned away. However, this couples must at least have a child, for each shadowhunter family, to continue the bloodline. Today's technology allows us to do this" I smiled at my son, an apologizing smile "I am so sorry for the way I behaved towards you and the things I said. But you need to know that I never hated you, I just was afraid and I didn't understand. I might not be ok with you dating Bane, but I will support you and I hope this might be a start for me to earn your forgiveness".

"Dad... I forgave you a long time ago" I looked at him surprised by his words. _How could he have such a big heart? How could he forgive me before I asked for it?_ But my shock didn't stop me from hugging him back when he stood up and hugged me "Thank you".

"No, thank you" I murmured back "Now I better get going and leave you to go to your date".

"I will wake you to the door" offered Bane politely "Is it because I am a downworlder?" he questioned me when we were far enough, so Alec won't hear.

"It's because you are four hundred years old" I replied "I can see that  you both love each other, even a blind man could notice that. But I can't shake the feeling that you are taking advantage of him" we stopped walking when we got to the door "Also, I know that you are not being completely honest with my son which is really insulting. He got out of the closet and could have gotten his runes stripped, could have gotten everything he ever known and loved taken from him, and you are not being honest to him. That's the least you could do! That's why I think that you don't deserve my son, Bane".

With that said I left the loft, ignoring the look of astonish and pain of the warlock, and headed to the Institute. Planning my next steps to get my family back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Robert tells Alec something similar in, City of Heavenly Fire, the last book of The Mortal Instruments series.


	7. Who are you?

**Katherine's P.O.V**

"That your father what?!" I exclaimed confused.

While I was closing the shop, today unfortunately was my turn, I received a call from Xander. He so excited that he talked very fast, I couldn't comprehend every word but grasped the direction of the conversation. However, I must have understood wrong cause what heard was a miracle.

"Dad came tonight, before Mags and I went to our date, and gave us his blessing" he repeated, this time slower.

"Wow... that is fantastic Xander!" I told him happily "By the way, where did he take you this time?" I asked him curiously.

I had returned to New York three months ago now, and Xander had been telling me about his relationship none stop. Magnus always takes my best friend to the most amazing, romantic and expensive places of the city. I really liked listening to his experiences, maybe it was because I am very curious or because their dates are very interesting. Luckily my friend always sated my curiosity

"He took me to watch 'The Lion King' at Broadway, had said that it is a very famous play. At the end it was quite good" I laughed a bit at his comment. Xander always was very picky when it came to music, if it wasn't the best he wouldn't listen to it "After that, we had dinner at the Hilton hotel".

"I went there once with my family, they serve really good food" I told him "I tried their special salad, I really liked it. What did you order?".

"The steak" he answered and chuckled when I gagged "Come one Kitten! Cut me some slack. Not everyone can be vegetarian like you".

"Well, you keep on killing innocent animals" I replied acting very dramatically in purpose "It is your soul the one that will suffer at end".

"Ladies and gentlemen that was Katherine Rosa Sangrienta to all of you, our favorite Drama Queen" he said in his best impression of TV show presenter, making me laugh "I have to go now, Kitten. Mags is calling me to sleep".

"Go to your man, Xander" I told him, before ending the call.  _He must surely be blushing._ I thought with a smirk, as I walked out of Macy's.

"Argh!" the anguish cry of pain brought me back from my thoughts.

I followed the voice to its origin and found a boy on the floor, at the end of an alley. He was making pressure on the wound of his side, or at least the most he could manage in his situation. However, what panicked me wasn't the painful expression he was wearing but the puddle of blood he was sitting on.

"Oh God!" I muttered under my breath and rushed to his side. I took of my scarf and wrapped it tightly around his body "Stay awake!" I ordered him. I didn't know much about healing people, but from what I learned in movies it was never good when they fall asleep "I will call 911 for help" but as I was taking my phone out, a hand stopped me "What are you doing?!" I asked the boy confused.  _Didn't he want to live?_ I screamed inside my head.

"Don't... hospital... no..." he babbled incoherently, but got his message known.

 _If he didn't want to go to the hospital, I won't take him. After all, who am I to disobey the last wish of an almost dead guy?_ I thought with a defeated sigh. I reunited all my strength and  carried the guy towards my car, then I drove towards home as fast as I could.  _Why do I always get myself into strange situations?!_

**Jonathan's P.O.V**

I groaned in pain as I began to wake up. Everything hurt, from head to toe. I tried to roll to my side on the comfortable bed, but stopped wincing in pain. So I decided to stay put and  open my eyes. I gazed at the unfamiliar ceiling in confusion.

 _Where was I?_ I asked myself. I turned my head to my right side and looked through the window, it was morning already. Suddenly all the memories of yesterday: the herd of demons that attacked me, I slaying them all but getting hurt, limping towards an alley, the voice of an unknown woman and the softest touch I had ever felt. 

A touch full of concern and gentleness that I had never felt in my life. So I contrast of the hate and pain I received through all my existence.

Taking a better look at my right I saw that on the night desk was a bloody scarf, a small strange knife, thread, needle and an open computer with research of how to sew an open wound.

 _What... what the hell was going on?_  I cursed inside my head. I was angry of not knowing what was going on, I always know what's going on. And now I was completely confused. Someone took me to her house, searched deeply for information to save my life and took care of me.

This was the first act of concern and kindness that I had ever had on my life. And I received it from a total stranger, not my mother that abandoned me, not my father that just saw me as a weapon and failure, not even my little sister that hated me.  _Who could have such a big heart to do such act of kindness?_

As if she heard my question I heard a groan coming from my left side. I turned my head rapidly towards the origin of the noise, my shadowhunter's reflexes acting out, and stopped frozen at the sight. An angel was sleeping on an armchair next to the bed, I was laying on.

The rays of sunshine, coming from the window, made her brown almost blonde hair seem golden and made her skin seem like it was shining. But it were the eyes that got my attention, the most beautiful green emerald eyes I had ever seen. It wasn't that there was something especial on them, it were the feelings that shone the ones that tool my breath away.

I could see the concern, happiness, kindness, astonishment and curiosity shining on those green orbs. And it was all for me.  _Mine,_  a darker side of me thought greedily.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" she asked me softly, worry lacing on her tone of voice.  _No one ever talked like that to me,_ I noted on my head.

"Fine" I replied, in a neutral voice.  _Never show weakness in front of anyone_ , I recalled one of the most important lessons of my father.

"Liar" she said with a glare, but with no heat behind it. She stood up and for a moment my heart skipped a beat in fear that she would leave. The last thing I wanted was to lose those small acts of gentleness so fast. However, I relaxed when she returned to her seat with a glass of water and some pills "Drink them" she ordered me. If she wasn't such an intriguing girl I would have killed her already "They are pain killer, they will help you".

Hesitantly I took the pills from her hand and swallowed them, with no water "Thank you" I told her, flashing her my famous fake and charming smiles. But the problem was, that the smile ended up being honest as well as the words that had just left my mouth.

"You're welcome" she replied with a smile of her own "Could you tell me what happened to you? And why I can't take you to the hospital?".

"I was attacked and the reason that you can't take me to the hospital, is that I angered a lot of people" I answered her questions. It was the least I could do for the person that just saved my life.

I noticed that she wanted to ask more, to know more. Her hunger for knowledge was painfully clear on her face, but she contained herself from making another question. I knew at that moment this amazing quality could end up being her perdition on day.

"I better get a look on those wounds" she said, after a while of silence "I need to clean them, or they'll get infected" I tried to sat up but I only ended up groaning in pain "Let me help you" she rushed for my aid and took me with her gentle hands.

I tried to stay strong, to not enjoy her hands on my body. But her soft and gentle touch, full of concern and trying to heal my wounds, were so similar to the ones I imagined so many times receiving from Clarissa. However this ones were real, not just a fragment of my imagination.

"Why did you take care of myself? Why not just leave me in the hospital?" I asked her.

She paused all her movements and I thought that I had asked too soon. But soon she returned to her task and answered my questions "I couldn't let you die and not make my best to help" she began "I wanted to take you to the hospital, cause I know zero stuff of this healing stuff. But you didn't, so I respected your wishes" she stopped treating me one more time and locked gazed with me "Life is full of the choices we make. Some we regret, some we are proud of. You chose a path and I have no right to step into it. On the other hand, I couldn't let you die. That's why I did what I did" I nodded my head surprised by the answer I received. It just wasn't what I was expecting "Although that's why I did it in the beginning, things changed afterwards" her hand trailed down my chest and lingered on my back, above the willing marks my father had left on me so many years ago "I can see that you had suffered a lot in your life. Not only by this scars but by the torment in your eyes. You have beautiful eyes Jonathan. Dark, mysterious, passionate, deep and hungry, they show your personality and what you desire clearly".

"And what is that?" I asked gruffly. Not liking being analyzed.

"Love, family, a place where you belong, something that gives you a reason to life" she answered with a comforting tone "What everyone looks for, you are not so different from the rest".

"You have no idea of how different I am" I snorted with a dark chuckle.

"Then at least you have to know that you are not alone" she said "We are looking for the same things, so we are walking the same path. By the way, my name is Katherine Rosa Sangrienta".

I looked at this strange girl -Katherine- with a mixture of curiosity and shock. She liked my eyes, the same eyes that had gotten me the disgust of my mother. She was able to see through me, as if she was reading a book. Also, she told me that I wasn't alone... that she was with me. When I knew that, that wasn't true.

Father made quite sure that I understood that no one will be able to love me or care about me, that I was alone. That only family could get close to feel something like that, for a master like me. That's why I was so ser on making my sister consider me as a lover, cause there was no way that another woman could ever want that.

But now looking at this emerald eyes, shinning with so much sincerity and warmth, made me rethink my next choice of words. Even though this is all a lie and will never last, it might be good to feel part of something... even if it is only for a bit.

"My name is Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern" I presented myself "It is a pleasure to meet you, Katherine".


	8. Where are you?

**Jonathan's P.O.V**

"I am back!" I heard Katherine announce as she entered her apartment.

I had been staying with her for the last couple of weeks. My wounds healed slower than I wished for, but quicker than a normal mundane's body. This allowed me to be able to move around the place freely, and not be imprisoned on bed.

On the other hand, I had to stay inside cause I knew that if I left I wouldn't have the strength to defend myself from my enemies. But I didn't dislike that idea, at all. It gave me more time to get to know Katherine and form a friendship with her, although her job and college got into the way.

"Welcome back" I replied from my place on the couch. I was resting on it and enjoying on of Shakespeare's most famous plays: Hamlet "You are early" I commented, as I checked the hour. A small part of my brain scolded me for falling into a routine so fast, but I ignored it "Why is that?".

"The teacher gave us the last hour of class to continue or finish our project. I had already finished it and handed it in, so I left early" she explained with a cheeky smile.

"Smart girl" I praised her, enjoying how her cheeks turned red "What do you got there?" I questioned, pointing at the bags in hands.

"Today's food ingredients and some stuff for next week, the fridge is almost empty" she answered, before heading towards the kitchen.

I stopped Katherine and took the heavy bags from her hand "Let me put them in their place and you go get a shower" I gave her a pointed look, when she was about to reply, that made her mutter angrily under her breath but did as I ordered.

I smiled at her retreating back and only turned around, towards the kitchen, when I couldn't see her anymore. While I was putting the groceries out, I wondered if this was what it felt to have a home. A place where you could always return and someone you could always count on.

 _What the..._ I shook my head, trying to chase those thoughts away.  _What is going on with you Jonathan?! You don't need a home or someone to count on. You just need to be a ruler and have Clarissa by your side, as your queen._

But even in my own ears those words sounded hollow and doubtful. With each day that I spent here with Katherine, the more I began to question my future. Her forgiving and kind nature began to rub on me a bit.

I knew that after my father died, his plan failed and Lilith resurrected me that if the Nephilim captured me, I would be killed without a second thought. So I decided to rule over them, to not die by their hands. However, Katherine made me hate myself for running away from my problems.

It made me ask myself: 'What would happen if I go to the Clave and explained them everything?' How father tortured me since I was a kid, how he manipulated me and how lost I felt. Maybe they might forgive me, like they did with the rest of the members of the Circle that redeemed themselves.

But that was childlike thinking, from a girl that hadn't been exposed to the darkness of this world. An innocent soul that cannot bear the thought of hurting another living creature, so she turned into a vegetarian.

"That is not true" I was snapped out of my thoughts by Katherine's voice.

When I turned around I found her leaning against the door frame of the kitchen, with a sad amused smile.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" I asked her suspiciously.

"You were speaking out loud" she told me "When I was fourteen years old my older brother and I got snatched away from our homes, and held captive for a few months by the Russian mafia. They tortured us, in all kinds of ways imaginable and the ones you cannot dare to think of" she chuckled humorlessly, lost in her memories "I got lucky, not only for surviving, but for being able to maintain my virginity" I clenched my fists angrily at the thought of another men touching her, especially against her will "My brother wasn't that lucky. He got raped, tortured and killed, all in front of me...".

Even though her hair covered her face, the shaking of her shoulder was enough for me to know that she was crying. I walked towards her and wrapped her into my arms. The hug was awkward from my side, but when she hugged me like her life depended on it, I relaxed and hugged her correctly.

"Better?" I asked, when she finally stopped shaking.

"Much better" Katherine answered with a grateful smile "As I was saying, I suffered a lot. Not only those months but at my parent's house, as well. My mother died when I was a kid, and my dad got married again not long after she passed away. My step-mother is...".

"Evil" I supplied. Recalling all the fairy tail stories, from those Grimm brothers.

"Yes" she agreed "She made her life purpose make my life hell. She makes me look bad in front of dad, and act as if I hurt her all the time. The worst of it all is that my father believes in her. She even convinced dad to move away when I returned, from being captive of the Russian Mafia. Away from everyone and everything I ever loved, in a time of need. Do you know that my father didn't notice we were gone after a month of being taken away?".

"What an asshole!" I spat angrily.

"Indeed he is" she said sadly. I could relate to that. After all my father wasn't the best example of parenthood either "But we are getting off the point. What I have been trying to explain to you, is the reason why I am vegetarian, is that I don't want to inflict the pain that I suffered".

"What about forgiveness?" I inquired "Why do you believe in forgiveness?".

"Cause I want to be forgiven for my sins... for being in love with my own brother" she confessed in distress.

"You love your sibling too?" the question left my lips before I could stop them from moving.

"I did, now I understand that I only did it because he is the light that kept me grounded and because it was safe to love him" she explained "Wait! What? You are in love with your sibling?! I didn't even knew you had any siblings".

"I have a little sister, her name is Clarissa. But now that I hears you talk... maybe I love her because of the same reason you loved your brother" I told her.

"Does she reciprocate your feeling?" she asked and I had to laugh. Because it was the first time she said something wrong, and it was a big mistake.

"She hates me!" I replied "What about you?".

"Wrong sex" she answered.

"He..." I got cut off by Katherine.

"Marcelo was gay. Don't worry it doesn't bother me at all, my best friend is gay" she escaped my hug and dragged me out of the kitchen "No more tears for today" she stated "Get back to your book and I will start making dinner" with that said she shut the door on my face. 

 _Maybe... ok! I'll try to set things right for once._ I decided in my head, before picking Hamlet up again.

**Katherine's P.O.V**

-Next day-

I woke up at my usual hour and went to take a shower. After brushing my teeth and dressing up, I went to prepare breakfast. But a ring on a piece of paper, placed above my table, made me stop still.

I picked the ring slowly and turned it a few times around the palm of my hand. Then I read the paper, ignoring the tears that I was shedding:

**_Dear Katherine,_ **

**_I know you probably will want to kill me for doing this, but I need to set things right. I went home to face my problems, explain myself and hope for forgiveness for my actions._ **

**_I will probably be die, so I wanted you to know that this last two weeks were the best of all my life. And that I am grateful for all the things you did for me._ **

**_I left you the only thing I have gotten left from my family, it is the Morgenstern ring. Take very good care of it and I hope it will remind you of me._ **

**_I know I have no right to ask you for this, but wait for me. If I don't return in a couple of months, then stop hoping I will ever return. However, if for some miracle I get out of this mess alive... I hope there is still place on your apartment. I will need a place to stay... a place to call home._ **

**_Love,_**  
**_Jonathan._**

 _He left!_ Was the only thing I could think about.  _He left without even saying goodbye to me. That bastard!_ I broke down into tears and fell on my knees.  _I will miss him._


	9. This can't be true?

I had been coming to Idris for the last two weeks, trying to convince the Clave to make marriage between downworlders and  Nephilim legal. It was a hard task, especially after legalizing homosexual marriage. After all, shadowhunters are known for not liking change a lot, to not day at all.

However, Alec has been coming as well and had made a huge difference. The way he stood, moved and talked in front of the Clave and downworlders present, remind me of my ex-husband. But Alec lacks of the ambition, charisma and hunger of power of Valentine.

On the other hand, Alec was dotted with the ability of convincing people and make them open their minds. He used rational facts to justify his points, perfectly. He won the trust of downworlders by being honest, by showing that he did this because he cared not because of power. And won the admiration of the Clave by capturing Camille and standing up against them, something that hasn't been done for a long time. In exception of when my daughter did it, before the fight against her father.

At the end, they accepted our petition and signed the papers for the new law. With the condition (made by downworlders) that whenever there was a problem between our two worlds, Alec must be there to act as referee.

Everything was going perfectly, I couldn't think of anything that could ruin this happiness. So when we, Luke and I, went to Idris, again, to legalize our marriage, you'll know my shock when I heard that my son had handed himself to the Clave, with the condition that he would have a fair trial.

Of course, I was present for it but wished I never had gone. I had to hear how Valentine, the father of my children, had tortured Jonathan since birth. How my son had thought his whole life that he was alone and no one would ever love him. How he only followed his father's orders cause it's the only thing he had known. How afraid and lost he was when he returned from death. That the reason he decided to take control over our world, was because he didn't want to be killed by us.

I had to listen to what a horrible mother I had been, how I had failed my son. Hating him when he was only a baby, cause he had demon blood running through his veins. I cried, silently, more than I had ever done in my whole life. I had to hear how he asked for the same forgiveness that the ex-Circle members had. Because his position was the same, if not the one of a victim.

The children of Lilith gave him their vote, surely because the majority can empathize with Jonathan's story. The faeries voted for his forgiveness, not that any of us knew why. It is kind of hard, if not impossible, to know why they do anything they do. The sixty percent of the vampires gave him their vote, and the rest condemned him. In the werewolves case, was the reversed. And only thirty percent of the shadowhunters welcomed him into their lives.

As the majority gave Jonathan their vote he should have been ok. But no, he wasn't. There was someone that said that he had fooled us once and this might be an act as well. So we spent the last three months in trail, with Jonathan trying to convince the Clave that he was honest.

In the meanwhile he was imprisoned in a small and horrible cell. I did the best I could to help them, even if it didn't fix all the pain I caused him. I gave him pillows, blankets, books, food and even an air mattress, to make his stay in that horrendous place more comfortable.

I even went to visit him and talk with him. We chatted about how I returned for him when I decided to run away, and how broken I was when I thought he was dead. I told him about how I always cried in the anniversary of his death, holding a chest with his name close to my heart. I told him about Clary and about Luke. About my job as an artist and about my life as a mundane.

He in returned advised me into how grow up in my career as an artist, and created a plan to make Luke's library more famous. I smiled proudly at his brilliant mind, then shivered at how similar he was to Valentine and finally felt guilty for making that comparison, and being afraid of my own son.

Jonathan told me about this girl, Katherine, and how she saved his life. My son spoke of her as if she was an angel, a beautiful creature that taught him the right way and shone for him in his life of darkness "You love her" I stated one day that were chatting as we ate some homemade cookies. I just needed him to have a taste of what was taken away from him.

"I do" he replied, as if it was a revelation he had been thinking about for a long time "But she is a mundane, I would lose my runes if I started something with her".

"Ask her if she wants to join us. Robert told me that they are recruiting mundanes for turning them into shadowhunters" I told him, liking the idea of having a daughter in law.

 **You like the idea of knowing that your son isn't a sick monster that wants to rape your daughter. Also, that girl seems to keep mini Valentine in check.** A dark side of my brain commented inside my head. But I just shook my head and chased those thoughts away.

"We do the same movement when we want to chase thoughts away" he told me, when he noticed what I was doing. Hope warmed my heart and I flashed him a smile, I was happy to know that he at least had gotten something of me "And I can't ask her to be one of us, she is against any kind of violence. Also, I am no good for her. I want her to have be happy and find a man that would not destroy her life".

"You love her enough to let her go" I said surprised. He had changed so much, when he loved Clary he would have forced her to love him without a second thought. Now he resigned her to make Katherine happy and let her be safe "Everything will end up fine... son" he looked at me surprised by my choice of words, I myself was surprised by them.

Not much later a guard came to take us for the last meeting of his trial. They decided to give him the same sentence that they gave to the ex-Circle members. Now there were more people that believed that he changed. I celebrated happily to know that my son was not going to be killed.

"Which Institute do you want to go to?" Pia asked Jonathan.

"New York's" he answered without a second thought "I want to be near my family and to start making amends for killing Max Lightwood. Inquisitor, you need to know that I never planned to kill your son. It was an accident, a horrible and regretful accident".

"You will have to work very hard" Robert replied "And you need to know that we will never forgive you for the pain you have caused".

"I will and I know" told him Jonathan.

I could notice that he was saddened by that answer, but was expecting it. He acted like me when he wanted to hid feelings and was sad. That gave me hope that my son was still in there, and that the demon blood didn't take him away from me. So when he asked me if I was ready to returned to New York with him, I said yes.


	10. Can I be by your side in time?

"Finally" Mags murmured breathlessly, as I pushed him against the closed door of his apartment and placed a trial of kisses down his neck "After so many years of discrimination and injustice, downworlders will have a legal and equal place in the shadowhunters lives".

"One day" I muttered against his skin "One day, we will have the same happiness we helped others to get" I looked at him in the eye and tried to express to him everything I was feeling "Gay marriage is legal, marriage with downworlders is legal. Now there is nothing that would stop us".

"Alec..." he gasped shocked, with wide open eyes and dropped jaw "Are you saying what I think you are saying?".

"Not now, I am still too young for being a husband" I replied and took my family's ring off "But one day..." I handed it to the love of my life "One day, I plan to call you Magnus Lightwood-Bane. Would you like that?".

"I would love that!" he exclaimed and placed the ring on his finger, before jumping on my arms. We kissed passionately for as long as we could, until I broke apart cause my phone started ringing "Leave it".

"I can't Mags" I chuckled at his pout "It might be from the Institute" I told him before answering the call "Hi".

"Xander!" my best friend's cry of help made my blood run cold "Someone is following me and I can assure you he is not human!".

"Where are you?" I demanded to know. I pushed Magnus away from me and rushed out of the apartment.

"I am exiting Macy's right now" she answered me. I could hear her hard breathing from the phone "What should I do?".

"Wait for me at the cafe we always eat whenever you have a lunch break free" I ordered her and ran as fast as I could to her aid. However, when I got there everyone was dead. The walls were painted in blood and heads were rolling on the floor "Kitten!" I screamed for her "Katherine! Where are you?!".

"Help! Xander! Kitchen!" I heard her yelling back.

I began running towards the origin of the voice, but six transformed werewolves blocked my path. Angrily I took my silver dagger out and attacked. I didn't care going head first into such a huge danger, or how reckless it was. The only think I was thinking about was reaping them into pieces and saving my best friend.

I didn't know how much time it passed, but at the end I killed all six of them and marched towards the kitchen. But I was late, the Alpha of their pack had already bitten Katherine. She was laying on the floor convulsing, her body changing at the infection of demoniac magic.

"Kitten!" I shouted in anguish as I watched her suffer. I ran to her side, fell on my knees and took her in my arms "What is the meaning of this?!" I demanded to know at the Alpha of the pack.

"It's the bitch's fault. She could have stayed human and be my wife, but she refused. Now she will be tied to me for all eternity, cause I am her maker and her Alpha" the bastard laughed maniacally.

"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!" I swore but the werewolf only laughed.

"What will you do little Nephilim?" he mocked me.

"I don't know about him..." a low growl erupted into the room "... but I. I will kill you!" before I could even blink Katherine left my arms and the Alpha's head was rolling on the ground.

"Kitten?" I called out for her softly, not wanting to upset a just made werewolf. She turned around rapidly at hearing my voice and looked at me with wide open eyes "Kitten, calm down".

"You want me to calm down!" she shouted in outrage "I just reaped the head of a man, with my hands! How did I do that?!".

"You are a werewolf now, that's how you did that" I told her bluntly "And now you are an Alpha, for five Betas".

"I thought you killed them" she said after a while of processing what I had just said.

"There are only two packs in New York" I told her "The one of Luke's, which is huge cause it's the convention of two packs. And the one of this bastard" I kicked the head of the dead Alpha "His pack has twelve members, counting him. I finished with six of them and you killed the Alpha, what makes you the new leader of the pack".

"Xander, what's going on here? Pack? Alpha? Werewolves?" she questioned me confused, but more calmed down than she had been before.

"Come one, Kitten. Let's get to Magnus's apartment and I'll explain you everything, ok?" she nodded in agreement, at my idea, and let me drag her through Brookline "I am back!" I announced to my boyfriend, when we reached the apartment.

"You better have a good reason for pushing me away and running away from me, after proposing!" demanded a fuming Magnus as he barged into the living room. Stopping frozen when he saw the bad state we both were "What in Lilith's name happened?!" he rushed to my side and checked for any injury, healing them when he found one.

"Why does he have golden cat eyes? Or why is he releasing blue sparks from his fingertips? And did he say proposing? Are you getting married and you didn't tell me?" Katherine shoot a question after another one, not giving me time to answer any of them "I could have helped with the whole proposal thing!".

"Kitten, calm down" I reminded her. She took a few deep breaths and counted to ten, before being able to relax "Mags this is my best friend since I was five years old, Katherine Rosa Sangrienta. She goes by Kitty or Kate too, but I am the only one allowed to call her Kitten. Kitten, this is my boyfriend/fiancé Magnus Bane" I presented them.

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you Magnus" my friend said with a smile "I had heard a lot about you from Xander".

"Same here, but he never mentioned you name so I thought you were a guy" replied Mags with a relived smile. _Wait! Was he jealous?_ I thought surprised by the revelation "You seem to be keeping it together quite well, for not knowing a thing about this world and being thrown into it just like that. Also, Xander?".

"That is my nickname for big guy over here" Katherine answered "Also, I always knew that something wasn't normal with Xander. And if you'd knew me well, you would know that I might look ok in the exterior but I am freaking out from the inside".

"Let's sit down and let us explain all of it to you" I offered tiredly. We all did what I suggested. That took us a lot of time, cups of coffee and sugar "What are you going to do now?" I asked her, once we've finished explaining everything to her".

"I will keep on living my life" she replied "I will go to college and work, I'll just have to add running a pack into my schedule. But by what you've told me, they are all grownups and have their own lives. They can take care of themselves, and as long as they don't cause trouble I don't see any problem. However, I'll need your help to train and control my new powers" she told me seriously "And if you could contact Luke for me, I'll need advice from another Alpha".

"She is amazing" stated Mags after hearing her answer in silence.

"I know. I will give Luke a call and explain him your situation, he would love to help" I told Katherine "By the way, Kitten. What are you doing with the Morgenstern's family ring?".


	11. Am I too late to say sorry?

"I didn't mention you being forgiven by the Clave to Calry" told me my mother, as we stepped out of the portal "She doesn't even know that you turned yourself in. Also, for what I know neither do Simon, Jace and Isabelle" I nodded my head, to let her know that I am listening to her even thought I am looking at my phone "I just wanted her to hear it from me and to understand what you had gone through. If she had known before...".

"She would have spoken against me and demanded my death sentence" I ended the phrase my mother couldn't finish, with a neutral tone of voice. Not showing the anger that brought me.

"You have to understand her position" told me Luke "She has only known you as Valentine's puppet and the brother that...".

"Wanted her to become her wife" once again I had to finish the sentence that they couldn't, cause they were very uncomfortable.

I smirked at that, enjoying the impact I had on people. I might not want to rule the world now, but that doesn't leave that I like being evil from time to time.

"You don't still want to do it, do you?" Jocelyn asked me.

"No" I chuckled "Not anymore" I checked my phone again.

"Because now it's Katherine the one you want" mother smiled happily. Surely in ecstasy knowing that her son doesn't want to bang her daughter anymore "Is she the one sending you messages?".

"Yes. She left me a lot of voicemails, texts and missing calls" I sighed happily but sad at the same time "All of them telling me not to hand myself in and get me killed".

"She seems to care a lot about you" commented Luke "Maybe you should reconsider not getting in another life again. She seems to want to be part of yours and is a very good influence to you".

"Maybe..." but I couldn't finish speaking, cause a werewolf attacked me "What in the name of Raziel?!" I cursed as she pinned me down.

The hold the werewolf had on me was amateur, I could release myself from it easily and chop the head off of her before she could blink. But I didn't, cause as soon as I looked into my attackers face I relaxed.

"You bastard!" Katherine screamed at me angrily, making me flinch and gaze at her confused "You can't live with me for two weeks, make me fall in love with you and then hand yourself to the Clave for a secure death, without even saying goodbye. And leaving me your family ring knowing the meaning of that gesture and the consequences, I am sure you would have never accepted... is plain cruel" my eyes widened when tears began to roll down my cheeks... tears that weren't mine "I hate you!" she muttered under her breath, but I could hear her, before running away from me.

"Who was that?" asked me Jocelyn at the same time Luke made the question: "What did just happen?".

"That was Katherine Rosa Sangrienta and she had just whipped the floor with Jonathan" answered both questions, someone I didn't care to identify.

I was so deep into my heartbreak that nothing seemed to be important to me anymore. Except Katherine's forgiveness.

"Magnus? What are you doing here?" mother questioned the warlock.

"It seems like my dear Alec has known Katherine since they were very little, and had been best friends since then" started explaining Bane, gaining my attention "Yesterday, Katherine was attacked by Peter and six of his wolves".

"Peter did what?" exclaimed Luke surprised as I shouted in outrage: "I will reap his head off!".

"You are a little late for that" the comment of the warlock stopped me on my tracks "Katherine already did that. It seems like Peter has been lusting after her for a long time, but she always refused him"  _Good!_  I thought relieved. I was a very possessive person and loath when people touched what is mine "In revenge he planned to tie him to his pack and him, by turning her" I started to see red again but the next words of Bane calmed me down "What he didn't suspect was Alec coming to her rescue" he said with pride and lust shinning in his eyes "My angel killed six of them but when he reached the Alpha... Katherine was already changing"  _No!_ I screamed dristessfuly in my head "When she woke up, consumed by her new instincts, she reaped the head off Peter with her bare hands... or I better say 'her bare claws'. Afterwards Alec and I sat down and explained everything to her" his gaze rested on me for the first time since he came into the room "And you'll know our surprise when she told us about you" I glared at the warlock wishing that he wasn't in a relationship with Katherine's best friend, so I could kill him "Go to Central Park, she surely is there with Alec".

As soon as those words left his mouth, I was already running towards the park "Take your hands off her!" I yelled at Lightwood, who was practically all over Katherine.

"Why?" he dared me "You never cared enough for her. You made her fall in love with you knowing that you would never be able to be with her, cause she was a mundane" he glared fiercely at me.

It surprise me how much heat and protectiveness I could see in his eyes, I always considered Alexander to be the soft one. Now I retract myself, he can be more wicked than his siblings if someone hurt the people he loved.

"That is not true" I replied. Hating how I felt, like a little kid being scolded by a grown up.

"Than what is true?" asked me Katherine. I hated how confused and broken she sounded, but I hated me more cause I caused that.

"I love you Katherine. You changed me, you made me see the truth. I stopped wanting to rule the world, because of you. I had gained forgiveness, because of you. My relationship with my mother is better, because of you. My life is the best it had ever been, because of you. You are my guardian angel, the one I love the most in this planet" I confessed. Smirking internally as her eyes widened and a blush appeared on her cheeks.  _My plan worked, as always. I will have her finally. All MINE!_ I thought victoriously "That is why I wanted to be out of your life, to not ruin it and for you to meet the right man that could give you what you deserve".

"But I want you!" she confessed, jumping on my arms and kissing me.

Of course, I kissed back "I love you too" I told her once we broke apart for air, and then kissed her again.


	12. Is this really happening?

"Come on Clary! Just let me come inside with you, it's just dinner after all" complained Jace, as he left a trail of kissed down my neck to distract me and get me to accept.

"It's dinner, with my parents" I specified "Did you forget that mom hates you?".

"Don't talk about my relationship with your mother like that" he replied, making me laugh "It's... complicated".

"Complicated my ass" I snorted.

"Well, you have a nice ass" Jace's comment made me blush.

"Ok!" I conceded still blushing "Just let's get inside and get this finished with. Mom sounded kind of worried when she called" I told him concerned.

Jace like the best boyfriend he is, wrapped an arm around me to give me comfort, and guided me inside. We hung our coats and scarves on the coat rack before heading to the dining room, but as soon as we saw the scene folding in the room we stopped frozen. Mom and Luke were sitting, showing us their backs, across Sebastian and a gorgeous strange girl, by her side was Alec and next to Luke was Magnus. The most perturbation thing was that they were all laughing about something the girl said, while Alec blushed.

"What in Raziel's name it's going over here?!" demanded to know Jace angrily, taking out his sword and pointing it towards Sebastian.

"Jace calm down and put the sword away" ordered Alec softly, as if he was afraid a wrong move would make Jace go crazy. Which was ironic cause two seats next to him was sitting my mad brother!

"Don't tell me to calm down Alec!" my boyfriend shouted at his parabatai "Sebastian is here! And you all look as if you are having a nice tea party! Did you forget that he killed Max?!".

Alec flinched at the memory, Magnus stood up and got to his boyfriend's side to give him comfort while glaring at Jace. My boyfriend had the shame to look guiltily, but the he was so thick headed that he still stood his ground and didn't ask for forgiveness. But what was more surprising, was that Sebastian looked at his plate with a mixture of concern, guilt and rage.

"So... who is Sebastian?" asked the new girl, trying to ease the tense atmosphere. But I could care less for that, cause my eyes didn't leave the way she rubbing her hands up and down my brother's arms to give comfort.

Suddenly something caught my eyes and I couldn't stop myself from asking "Why is that girl wearing the Morgenstern's family ring?".

"The girl has a name" she replied with a raised eyebrow "And I asked first Clarissa, who is Sebastian?".

"You should know, you are all over him right now" grunted in disgust Jace.

"Watch it Heronalde!" warned Sebastian, with a sadistic glare. Now that sight is the most familiar one I had seen all night "Speak whatever you wish of me, but leave Katherine out of it. She has nothing to do about all of this".

"She is wearing your family's ring, I think she has everything to do about it" I replied with disdain.

"It's your family as well, Clarissa" my brother told me with a malicious smile, making me feel uncomfortable.

"Stop it Jonathan! You are making her feel more uncomfortable that she already was" the girl scolded my brother, who surprisingly listened to her "By the way Clarissa, your brother is right. You are still a Morgenstern, like it or not, that will never change. Just because your father was no good man doesn't mean you have to forget where you come from, if you do you'll only let him win" my eyes widened at her words.

"I had never thought of it like that" I thought out loud.

"She is very wise, isn't she?" commented my brother, looking at her as she hung up the moon for him.

"Thank you. Shut up Alec!" she elbowed Jace's parabatai when he snorted "Secondly, your brother's name is Jonathan not Sebastian. I know that you don't have the best relationship and might never have. But just listen to him, he has a lot of stuff to explain" Katherine asked me softly.

I wanted to say no, to leave and never look back. But looking at her pleading and honest eyes I couldn't say no. And it was good I agreed to listen to my brother. I knew that my father was an evil son of a bitch, but I would have never imagined that he was capable of torturing his own son.

"Damn it!" cursed Jace, next to me "And I thought that Valentine was hard... it was nothing compared to what he did to you".

"You were always his favorite, the angel boy" commented Jonathan bitterly.

"You still have me, and you are my favorite" Katherine told my brother and kissed his cheek affectionately.

"That's true, I still have you" he said with a smile. Not those fake ones or evil ones I see him wearing all the times, this was honest and wholehearted.

"Can you both please stop acting like you are in love? It's like watching Isabelle eye fucking that bloodsucker" asked Alec uncomfortably and slightly green.

"We are in love" replied Katherine, with and amused smile and jumped into Alec's arms "Sorry big guy, but this is pay back for walking into you and Magnus having sex yesterday" we all laughed when Alec blushed.

"So, you are both engaged?" I asked her.

"What? Xander and I?" she questioned me with an amused expression. From what I could recollect from her, she loves messing around with people.

"No! You and Sebastian" exclaimed Jace "Why would you even think Clary would get to that conclusion?".

"Cause she would be the first one to think we are a couple" answered Alec, instead of Katherine.

"Also, we look quite good together" added Katherine jokingly.

But by the looks of jealousy of Magnus and Jonathan, I knew they didn't like that comment. So I was very happy when they broke apart from their intimate hug and returned to  their couples.  

"Yes, we are Clarissa" my brother answered my question, as he wrapped possessively an arms around his fiancé's waist.

"He isn't the only one" added Magnus, cuddling against Alec and showing the Lightwood's family ring on his finger.

"Damn it!" this time I was the one who cursed.

"Clary!" scolded me my mother.

"Mom, I think that I was allowed that one" I snapped "Too much information in too little time. Let's just have dinner and see how things unfold from here".

They all nodded at my proposal and started eating. _Can this really be happening? My brother being good and everything being just the way it always had to be?_ I thought worriedly. _Think about it tomorrow Frey! Now just enjoy a nice and weird family dinner._


End file.
